After quitting for ages a couple of years ago (with the help of this supportive blog site), a new business working long hours from home saw me pick up a cigarette again, and before I knew it I was smoking more than ever before.
Previously, when I smoked, I only smoked in the evening, but this time, being home-based with my work, I found myself smoking all day and evening.
My last cigarette was on Friday night. I am suffering a lot more than the last time I gave up, possibly because of how isolated my work is, and also because my addiction this time was so much worse. Day Four today and hanging on by a thread. Trying to remind myself of all the reasons why I quit.
Well, after my relapse ...
... after smoking over the last week after being smokefree since last May, I have quit again. Feel really sad that I am at Day One again after having been quit for over seven months. However, I have learnt from it.
After being smokefree since 15 May 2010 ...
... age-old stuff that comes up for me every Christmas time (and a few family stresses) saw me having a bad panic attack on Christmas Eve and I went right back to smoking like I'd never given up.
Since then, I have had a couple of days that I haven't smoked at all but on the days I have smoked, it's been full-on, like today. The thing is I am not even enjoying it. I am doing it because it grounds me and stops me from going into full blown anxiety.
I cannot believe that after feeling totally released from the smoking demon and not even feeling tempted in the last few months, things have come so badly unstuck.
I am so not proud of myself at the moment. I know that I will give up again and make a success of it but this is now my second time that I have got to six or seven months only to relapse really badly when age-old stress and past associations have hit me.
I am not happy with myself at the moment.
Congratulations to all those who have done so well - all my old pals on here who have stayed strong, and to all the new people who have decided to quit.
I have been quit for 5 Months, 1 Week, 2 Days, 13 hours, 46 minutes and 25 seconds (162 days). I have saved $1,511.92 by not smoking 2,438 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Week, 1 Day, 11 hours and 10 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 15/05/2010 10:00 p.m.
Congratulations to all the new people and all those who have made such great stats since I was last in here. Wow! There are several people from when I used to hang out in here who are in the triple digits days-wise. Mindblowing!!! WELL DONE! Sorry I haven't been posting or giving feedback to anyone. With my new job it hasn't been as easy to come in here.
However, I am still hanging in there. I did have one little slip on my birthday when there was heartbreak to do with my youngest son (who flies Attitude like a Mast above his head), but strangely enough that cigarette (I shared with someone else) showed me that I no longer want to smoke - it was horrible! I now longer crave at all.
All the best, everyone, regardless of where you are on your journey.
I have been quit for 4 Months, 3 Weeks, 22 hours, 47 minutes and 56 seconds (143 days). I have saved $1,338.72 by not smoking 2,159 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Week, 11 hours and 55 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 15/05/2010 10:00 p.m.
Thought I'd pop in and say hi to everyone. I've made almost five months. Have now started addressing the excess weight and after a lot of angst have struck the right formula of eating and at last I am seeing results.
Finally getting into the exercise too now. Taking it slowly. Blown away at how unfit I am. Today when I was swimming lengths at the local pool (first time), I was so grateful I was no longer a smoker because even without smoking I got really puffed. Have also got into taking the dogs for long walks. However, given that I have four of the little munsters and they tend to get their leashes tangled while we are out (once managing to wrap me up so badly I got quite panicked), it's not the destressing activity it's made out to be. hahahaha
My skin is also finally showing the lifestyle changes I've made. I am hitting a big birthday tomorrow, and yet ironically people who've only just met me have been paying me awesome compliments about the age I look, whereas just a couple of years ago many people thought I was much older than I actually was.
Quitting smoking has to be psychologically one of the hardest things I've ever done and many times I thought I wouldn't make it, and other times too I wondered whether it was worth it, but I can honestly say that now I am starting to reap the benefits.
To any new people on here, stick with it, one day at a time. The days will take care of themselves soon enough and you will be counting the months, and then the benefits will pour in - financial, physical ....
Lovely bonus to giving up smoking
I had a squizz at the insides of my teeth today and they are a lovely normal whitish colour.
When I smoked, no matter how much I cleaned my teeth, there were always those horrible tar stains that I couldn't get rid of.
I think I've got the Habitrol gum (which I'm still using) to thank for clearing all that staining off my teeth and with no cigarettes to build it up again, I can finally be proud of the colour of my teeth (if not the quality). LOL
So many little things to be grateful for. Makes all the quitting hard work worthwhile ...
I have been quit for 4 Months, 4 Days, 14 hours, 56 minutes and 59 seconds (127 days). I have saved $1,186.88 by not smoking 1,914 cigarettes. I have saved 6 Days, 15 hours and 30 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 15/05/2010 10:00 p.m.
Night-times have been really hard recently. I am going through a period of tremendous sadness about my 19 year old son who is causing me undescribable heart-ache. Despite the fact that I raised him and his brother and sister on my own since he was four years old, he has grown up to become a carbon copy of his father (who was violent and abusive). My son isn't violent, but his attitude to me is the same as his father's was.
I am experiencing chronic insomnia with panic and anxiety attacks at night. Around 2 am this morning, I was so close to going out to buy a packet of cigarettes to stop the pain.
I am so glad now that I didn't, but it is still scary that I came so close to chucking away over four months of hard work!!!
A couple of days short of four months
I have been quit for 3 Months, 3 Weeks, 5 Days, 22 hours, 42 minutes and 20 seconds (118 days). I have saved $1,106.19 by not smoking 1,784 cigarettes. I have saved 6 Days, 4 hours and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 15/05/2010 10:00 p.m.
I cannot believe I have actually made it this far. Although I gave up last year for a similar period of time, I realise that last time I was half expecting at some point to be able to have a cigarette again ... (I was kidding myself - thinking that once I'd gone without for long enough, I'd be able to just occasionally have a smoke. Well, that happened and I ended up hooked again.)
This time around, I know I can never ever again even sneak a puff because look where it got me with all that hard work the previous time - all went up in smoke - literally.
So this time I feel like I've achieved a lot more, even though it hasn't been easy. I am having no cravings at all. In fact, when I walk past people who are smoking I feel quite put off at the smell of the smoke and it seems so foreign to put a cancerous thing to one's lips and breathe it in.
Having said that, I do still at times feel like 'something' is missing from my life ... I think I am still looking for something to fill the vacuum that smoking has left. But that will come, particularly with the summer months when one can be so much more active ...
To all the newbies, well done!!! You are in the best place and you are truly doing a great thing. Once you are over the early days and weeks, you will go from strength to strength, even though at times it won't be easy. You will be financially better off. You won't feel like a social leper and you won't have the anxiety that comes with smoking. Your health will improve. Your self-esteem will go up immeasurably. No more worrying about whether you will be able to smoke when you visit friends or go out to eat, or away on holiday. No more sneaking out somewhere cold and dark to get your fix. You will feel so good about yourself. You have so much to look forward to! It is hard but so so so so worth it in the long run.
Day 109 today - cannot believe it - days just rolling by now ...
I have been quit for 3 Months, 2 Weeks, 2 Days, 13 hours, 58 minutes and 14 seconds (108 days). I have saved $1,009.80 by not smoking 1,628 cigarettes. I have saved 5 Days, 15 hours and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 15/05/2010 10:00 p.m.
Feeling out of sorts today (focussing on all that I haven't achieved rather than the things I have achieved) so thought I would post my stats to perk myself up.
Steve and Pukeko
Happy 50th day!!!! Haven't been able to come into this site earlier than this today - been too busy being the social butterfly, but wanted to wish you Happy 50th Day before it's over. You peeps rock!!!!!
1lyn1, it's your and my 100th day tomorrow. Officially, I only actually reach my 100th day at 10 pm tomorrow night cos I quit at 10 pm on 15 May, but you quit earlier in the day if I recall correctly (and it was your birthday too).