Wow I hardly believe it.Been trying to figure out whats happened or different to enable me to stop unowot 10 days ago.Maybe I just had enuff ?.I felt prompted to just give up the battle ,I think my HP has been with me in a way I don't remember before.I have the occasional thawt that hopefully I wont do anything silly to inadvertently endanger my progress.
I know stay in the moment ,one step at a time and KISS, me that is.ha
Seems a bit unreal really .Im just doin it one day at a time and so far so good.Had the occasional thawts about unowot today and yesterday ,but nothing too difficult.Maybe the ecigs stopping me having cravings I don't know ,I always had horrible cravings any other time ive tried no matter what else I was using .Im just grateful its ok this time,im hoping that in a week or so I can start getting off the ecig too,but that's not todays issue.Ive been putting myself first and avoiding other peoples drama,im doing whatever ive gotta do ,and I do feel much calmer in myself so must be working.
And going good ,had a few thawts about unowot yesterday,but nothing too serious.I did laugh too myself at one point .I stopped my car at a shop and as I was getting out a ciggy I must have dropped rolled out from under seat it winked at me but I just chucked it out of car and took off.just for a second I had a crazy thawt but realized I didn't have a light and got over it.Later I was looking for something in car and found some matches whew luckily I didn't no they were there earlier.I went for a wee bike ride today feel tired but good got a bit puffed couple of times but stopped and rested.My breathing is way better than just a week ago.Grateful to be alive today.Well done you lot .
Getting so sick again has probably helped I guess,I just realised last Saturday night that im sick of feeling like crap all the time ,I even couldn't lie flat in bed cause the crap in my lungs would make me choke and sometimes nearly throw up,I had terrible acid reflux and just couldn't breath properly.I gave my fags to my wife and asked her to hold onto them for me.I didn't say I was giving up just that I don't want another smoke.I think I have surrendered to my HP and ever since have just been going with the flow.Im kind of refusing to buy into other peoples drama,putting myself first for now .Ive got to look after me first other wise im no good to anyone else especially if im dead eh.My sponsor died from smoking it was horrible.I was at the place of believing that would probably happen to me was resigned to it I spose. I don't want that for me or my family and now im starting to believe that doesn't need to happen.Just for today that's all ive got to deal with.Im off outside now to replace the shocks on my old HQ and looking forward to it .I havnt felt like doing anything hobby wise for ages really so that's .good.
And every time I was counting the minutes /hours and days since I had my last fag.Read all the books all to no avail eventually it just felt like too much and I gave in to the lie that one fag would be ok.
I am amazed at how well I am doing this time.Ive tried so many times before but couldn't stick at it.I am almost afraid to say what its like in case I wake up one morning and have all the crap I had before .Ive tried everything .
5 days wow
Another smokefree day yay.my health is improving little by little every day.Ive got a way to go yet but a step at a time.I heard a good saying the other day Resistance is Persistence,I think it means the more I resist a problem the worse it gets.Thats certainly been the case with my trying to quit all these years.The harder I fought against it the worse it got. This time does feel different from before .Im not fighting it at all really just kind of going with the flow.Everyday I feel more strongly that I don't want to smoke anymore and that's ok.Ive been around a few people who were smoking tho not on purpose and I wasn't bothered by their smoking.I try to avoid being round smokers mostly ,don't quite trust myself yet .but im pleased that I didn't feel resentful at all.Maybe in a week or so I will feel up to doing some exercise im looking forward to wanting to and having a bit of energy to do some.I am grateful for life today .Good on you lot for giving life a go
Another day fag free yippee.I did have a few wonky moments today when my ecigs battery went flat at work.I didn't have a plan b, I did have a few thawts of buying some fags but kept telling myself I can get through till I go home and recharge it which I did.I kept talking to my HP all the way home and amazingly I think I had green lights all the way home and hardly even had to stop once.I shall make sure I have some lozenges and charger in my bag as a backup from now on.I did notice also that I felt a bit fearful about picking up a smoke again.I think I am slowly regaining the will to live and experience a healthy life for the first time in forever.So I don't think it was a bad thing.I am certainly finding this tima around very different from the zillion other other times ive tried quiting.I feel kind of strange in a good way like I am waking up from a deep sleep and noticing lots of little things for the first time.Hopefully im not loosing my marbles.
managed three days smokefree,yippee. feel like im cheating a bit sucking on the ecig it certainly takes care of any cravings which I could never get past before.I think ive just gotta do what ever I need to make it work.my health is slowly getting better not coughing up so much muck now.my chest doesn't hurt so much now when I breath,I can breath in quite deep without coughing, now which feels good.I want to be able to walk up hills without feeling like im gonna croak,a long time ago I think I could do that.
ive been smoking 40 years non stop since I was 12 so its hard to remember a time when I was healthy and fit.I think im starting to feel more positive which is great,ive felt quite negative for so long,
this addiction really is subtle and a thief of everything that's good ,that's my motto now .Fagoff nico#$@%,Im gonna live.thanx HP