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3Aug2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 345 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 345 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3450
Total savings: $4,600.00
Still NOPE. Coping with life a lot better lately and feeling more positive.
Im pleased and surprised that even when the going has been tuff ,picking up a unowot hasn't been an option.I guess its true that it does get easier.
Occasionally when I see someone smoking I think for a second ,one of those would be nice ,but its just a thought that I have control over.
Hope every ones going good.I don't blog so much now ,though I still come on for a nosy every other day.Havnt seen much of axl for a while hope your doing well mate. .Not long till our first year off unowots eh.Good to see a few familiar faces and new ones on here too

Profile image Dadoftwo2 days ago

Hey fagoff. Wow less than 3 weeks till your breathday . How incredible!!
I recall seeing you when I first jumped on and is so pleasing to see your stats and savings!
A real inspiration and glad you pop in from time to time.
Looking forward to seeing your breathday where there will be beers and champange; )

Profile image Megs612 days ago

Awesome stats fagoff,wow not long to your breathe day and thank you for your kind words on my blog :)

Profile image clarence the cat2 days ago

Well done Fagoff!! You have come a long way on your SMOKEFREE journey. I hope you're planning a super party for your 1st Breathday!!

Profile image Nana222 days ago

Good to hear from you fagoff. You have done amazingly my friend. You have always kept this journey real...good and bad which i have so related to. I am getting excited for you with your first smokefree year just around the corner. I do hope you post that day so we can all celebrate your achievement. I'm hoping Axl will post for his as well.
Keep on keeping on, and have a great NOPE day!

Profile image Ganny2 days ago

W00T - almost breathday - thanks for sharing the positive vibes; it's really soooo good to know it gets easier. :-D

Profile image smokefreemep2 days ago

Hi fagoff.. holy shi* its getting close now.. positive blog.. good stuff fagoff :)

Profile image jakethemuss2 days ago

Sweet numbers there fagoff

Profile image aimee72 days ago

Hi fagoff nice to see your post :) fabulous numbers my friend!!

Profile image nanaturtle1 day ago

Love the way you call it a 'unowot' like if it has a name, it has some power! Awesome-making unowots meaningless! Well done fagoff-stay strong ★

28Jul2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 339 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 339 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3390
Total savings: $4,520.00
Lifes been a bit tuffer going lately, anxiety levels off the scale a couple of times ,really had to practice ODAAT,there does seem to be light at the end of the tunnel so that's reassuring, and on the good side I havnt picked up a smoke so that's pretty amazing for me. Less than one month to go till its a whole year off the unowots. Still NOPE NOPE NOPE. (-:

Profile image Bub4428 July, 2015

Must feel great to be able to say in less than one month you will be one whole year smokefree..awesome..yes i know those smoking thoughts well done Fagoff.

Profile image Nana2228 July, 2015

There will always be those tough, anxiety provoking times fagoff. We had them as smokers too.Stand firm my friend and NOPE and ODAAT through it as you have been. You have much respect from me for the way you've travelled on your smokefree journey. 339 days smokefreedom is brilliant......and so, so, close to your Breathday! I'm getting excited for you!

Profile image smokefreemep28 July, 2015

Wow fagoff thats amazing.. you must feel so proud of yourself with less than a month to go my goodness!!! This is so exciting, your so strong.. well done fagoff. NOPE

Profile image Dadoftwo28 July, 2015

Wow great stats still fagoff!! Kicking it!!

Profile image Maanu28 July, 2015

I'm proud of you and happy for you and a little envious you must be feeling fantatstic after 339 daYs of smoke-freedom. I suffer from mild depression and anxiety at times and let me tell you smoking does not help one bit. I was much healthier and happier when I didn't smoke and can't wait to get back to it

Profile image Betsy1026 days ago

Awesme stats and insipirational. Thank you for sharing

20Jul2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 331 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 331 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3310
Total savings: $4,440.00
still nope ,been a bit up and down today and grumpy ,would be the same if I was smoking so no point smoking eh ,id have even more reason to feel crappy then .That's life ,the good and the not so good.non smokers have it ,so why should I expect to be different. still can laugh so not all bad news.

Profile image Bub4420 July, 2015

Great stats yep laughing is the best medicine :)

Profile image Nana2220 July, 2015

Yep life will carry on whether we're ready or not eh fagoff. Tomorrow is another day - hopefully a better one. Definitely no point smoking. You're right there.
Awesome stats my friend! Racing toward your Breathday! So exciting!

Profile image Dadoftwo20 July, 2015

Yep. Keep laughing. One thing not to laugh at is your stats! Brilliant work fagoff!! Cannot wait to be where you are! :)

Profile image smokefreemep20 July, 2015

Laughing is so good for your soul, its also beneficial to others :) nice stats fagoff your awesome!

Profile image Darren21 July, 2015

That's right fagoff, it's normal to have ups and downs, that's something I'm beggining to accept and deal with too.

16Jul2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 327 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 327 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3270
Total savings: $4,360.00
Still NOPE.I havnt been on for a while as we havnt had internet access at our new place till now. weve started renovating our house ,it certainly needs it but nothing we cant handle and it will be so nice to have it all new looking and clean .Im back at work slowly getting back into the swing of things.Some days are not so enjoyable then others are good .So gotta take it a day at a time. Was thinking today wow its nearly a year since I last had a puff or a ciggarete, that still amazes me as it took so long to get there. My health is way better but still not 100 % .I am grateful that life is so much better as a result of not smoking.It hasn't been easy but it has been worth it.Hope you all are doing ok.Remember the answer to nicodemons temptations is always NOPE. (-:

Profile image Nana2216 July, 2015

Hey fagoff and yes you're heading to the 1 year now! Even i still have to pinch myself sometimes. Haven't we done well ! Great to hear you getting back into everyday life again. I agree with you....NOPE is the only way. Congrats on 327 days of smokefreedom my friend. I'm so proud of you.

Profile image Bub4416 July, 2015

Awesome days stacking up there congrats...

Profile image josienz195816 July, 2015

NOPE is definitely the way to go - way to go Fagoff - looking good!

Profile image Dadoftwo16 July, 2015

Great work Fag!!
You rock and should feel proud :) nearly the breathday! Yah you

Profile image Betsy10217 July, 2015

Hi fagoff you are doing an amazing job, With no somoking your health is bound to improve no doubt about that. Thank you for the reminder to anwer that nicodemns with a nope, much appreiciate.

11Jul2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 322 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 322 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3220
Total savings: $4,320.00
Still NOPE.moved into our new place ,no furniture till truck arrives Monday hopefully,and back to work again. finding it difficult to get back into things really. feel quite lazy ,maybe jetlag ?.It will be good to begin to get back into a normalish lifestyle again.life has been pretty unormal for a few months now.hope eveyones going good. cold at nigfht but lovely and sunny now.

Profile image Blondene11 July, 2015

Nice enjoy your new place you will get back into it ☺☺

Profile image Nana2211 July, 2015

Ooh that's exciting moving into your new house fagoff!. Yep very common to feel a bit at sea after a good holiday. Takes a while to get back to real life mode even without jet-lag.
Love your numbers my friend. NOPE always and forever!

Profile image snail mover11 July, 2015

Keep those heels dug in and show the demon who will win...102 days now wow .well done blondene.

Profile image clarence the cat11 July, 2015

Gosh another first Breathday fast approaching. Start planning a treat for yourself as a celebration.

Profile image Gilly6011 July, 2015

Well done fagoff!!!!!! Be proud!

Profile image Betsy10212 July, 2015

Wow your stats are amazing. Congratulations on your stats and also in moving to your new home.

4Jul2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 315 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 315 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3150
Total savings: $4,200.00
Still NOPE. Taking a while to get back to normal, had a good normal sleep Thursday night then woke up today at 2 am ,gonna be a long day.
I don't have to pick up a smoke today that's a good thing.
Hope you all have a good day.

Profile image Bruce C4 July, 2015

You're doing well, and you've picked a great weekend for coming home. Nothing to do outside this weekend

Profile image Calmwaters4 July, 2015

Hope the Jet lag settles soon Fagoff.

Profile image clarence the cat4 July, 2015

Welcome home. It's a good weekend for doing nothing so relax and wait for the Jet lag to pass.

Profile image Nana224 July, 2015

Yep it can take a while to settle back in eh? Have an easy weekend and hopefully you'll feel better next week. When do you start back at work?
Love seeing your amazing stats fagoff!

Profile image Kiwikid4 July, 2015

Love your stats fagoff.

Profile image aimee74 July, 2015

Wicked stats fagoff, sorry I missed your 3 Hundy!! Congrats on that :)

Profile image Betsy1025 July, 2015

Wow this is impressive congratualtions

2Jul2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

searching for happiness

Thought id put some thoughts down as I cant sleep.Still on UK time,, for me its about 6 pm,not 2.15 am.I enjoyed my big OE ,but I had a few bad moments too ,or maybe not bad just a difficult. adjustment. The trip was a series of revelations for me.I think I was hoping to connect more with my ancestors in Scotland and Ireland,get a sense of who I am from where they came from.I was disappointed in this by finding out the real history can differ greatly from official history.There is a saying History is written by the conqerers, its not necessarily true.I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone else ,but its my story so ill carry on.I think I got too affected by the injustices that occurred in Scotland and Ireland throughout history and took it on board this brought me down to a dark place and could have ruined my holiday.It was a struggle at times to keep positive .I came to realise that I am me,I have my own choices to make .ive sometimes made choices and taken actions I regret.I can focus on this to at times and it brings me down as well.
I am realising that I am me ,no one else.I don't always get it right,and that's ok.I didn't find any more sense of who I am ,. over there.
I am who I am. I don't have any more sense of my beginning ,but I am here and now.Today is all that matters,I hope to give and be the best that I am today.
Today I will be happy with the journey,instead of being on the journey to find happiness,I may not always " Feel " happy every moment ,but I can continue to decide to be happy with all that I have and am today.
I have had to come to terms with the fact I have a mental health condition which sometimes tells me im no good and that life is pretty horrible,at those times life is a struggle and I don't see the good things in life so easily.Those are the times I used to " need " to smoke to make me feel better. its like at those times I forget what is good and lovely about this life and can only see the grey in everything.Thats also when nicodemons lies seem so much more tempting ,you know just one wont hurt,or whats the use of quitting when life is so crap.
I may well have these thoughts and times the rest of my life, but thankfully some truth has managed to sink into my consciousness ie ,No one puff is too much .If I smoke I die,thats my reality.Coming too terms with who and what I am is also why 10 months ago after countless attempts to quit smoking.I decided to use the ecig,with nicotine,its the only thing that's ever enabled me to not smoke ciggaretes for any length of time.
So far its enabled me to try and figure out a way to live in harmony with both myself and the world I live in.I see others have this race to see who can quit smoking the quickest, im like the turtle ,I just want to finish the race not win it.I smoked non stop for 40 years,this has been the toughest thing ive ever done ,if it takes me a year or even 2,to get off the ecig, then so be it .
If there is a point to this burble then maybe its ,walk your own walk,do what ever you gotta do.Ive been criticised plenty of times for apparently still smoking ,by using my ecig, The facts are I now have way better health than when I started,I can outwalk my wife up steep hills and do things I had given up because of poor health especially breathing problems.
I hope its ok to keep bloging on here . I know im a bit different ,but ive been on the ecig bloging sites and don't really relate to them,many of them just wanted to switch to a safer form of "smoking" .its an odd place to be not accepted by smokers or sometimes by ex smokers either but treated as if you are still a smokeby exes and as a freak by smokers.Any way enough burbling for now,will try to sleep now.

Profile image clematis2 July, 2015

I don't mind your "burble" at all. Negative thoughts about ourselves can get out of proportion if we don't fight them. I believe if we can do something like quit smoking we can use the same techniques to fight anything that harms us - even negative thoughts. Take care fagoff, sometimes it takes a little time to build up our confidence and self-esteem again. Be good to yourself, you are allowed to relax and feel good just like anyone else. :))

Profile image nanaturtle2 July, 2015

Hey-your burble made total sense to me! So, maybe you're not quite as alone or different fagoff. Amazing how the body clock switches eh. Hope your holi gave you what you needed. Re-smoking. If an ecig givres you balance then hey-who has the right? You-you are the only 1 to say what happens. I think you are remarkable fagoff, blunt honesty takes courage. You keep coming here- i for one, enjoy your company fagoff :-) get some sleep tho! Take care&stay strong

Profile image Ladylene2 July, 2015

Hi Fagoff ... sounds like you have beeb on quite a soul searching journey. I'm sorry your connection with your roots was not all you expected it to be. Its easy to get wound up in the injustices of the past, I think anyone looking back in their history will find some of those. But we can't dwell on them .. goodness knows there are enough injustices done in the present to keep us busy!

I did that whole 'discovery' journey a number of years ago Fagoff and at the end of it I came full circle and realised that my sense of 'who I am' was there all the time. For me that was discovering that I am not some random happening in a big bang. But that I am a planned and created being, who is both loved and valuable. My life has meaning and purpose. It made all the difference for me and allowed me to be comfortable in my own skin. It is this 'truth' that I hold onto in the dark times that you speak of, when my feelings run away with me.

And I too have made some mistakes (its in our nature) and done many things in my life that I regret. Just like your feelings, they don't define you Fagoff. At the end of the day .. you are sooo right .. you have the power to choose today how to treat both yourself and other people too. Just giving the 'best of you' in the moment is priceless :)

Sure hope your time clock kicks back into NZ time soon .. its horrid being awake all hours and that alone can mess with your head a bit hey :)

Sounds like you need to spoil yourself a little bit today hey :) Take care

Profile image Elevtheria2 July, 2015

Hi Fagoff...you are absolutely right... you are you and you should be in the now. I've been in dark places too... but with a lot of "fake it till you make it" I'm a different person now. I actually AM happy... I know I am strong, stronger than I thought. You can do this. In time I am positive that the good times will far outweigh the bad times. Focus on the now... and as my little quote on my screen says... "keep smiling and one day life will get tired of upsetting you". I've come on here for 2 years... mostly not smoke related... it was the whole turmoil going on inside me that kept me here and the wonderful support and non-judgemental people here. Of course you can keep on coming here... I'll always support you... no matter what :) xxx

Profile image Nana222 July, 2015

Fagoff, this blog has brought tears to my eyes. I can so relate to everything you said. I too have times like you describe, and i guess i always will, but i am making peace with my "dark side". It is just one small part of me, as it sounds to be for you too. I found it easier when i learned to accept it. We all have warts my friend - it's just how we feel about them that matters. Sometimes in life we need to take it ODAAT, just as we do with quitting.
Of course you can keep blogging on here, i hate that you feel that you can't. You have quit smoking, the same as the rest of us, and to me the e-cig is neither here nor there.
You trust yourself fagoff - it has got you this far - do not let anyone elses opinions matter more than your own. You are a unique and wonderful person, and i am so pleased to have "met" you.
Try and get some sleep my friend.
Nana hugs on the way (((fagoff)))

Profile image Calmwaters2 July, 2015

I can relate to lot of what you have written Whatever method or tool you use to undertake this journey is great. The main thing is that you ARE on this journey. If it takes 2 years or ten to get off the ecig that is your call completely and you have my support anyway for what thats worth. A few months ago I was a bit opinionated about the ecig and I apologise if I was one of the ones that may have made you feel that way.

29Jun2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 310 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 310 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3100
Total savings: $4,160.00
still nope.heading back to Nz tommorrow. Looking forward to getting back home ,has been a great holiday.sounds like it's been very cold and wet,a well ,spring soon eh.
haven't seen Nana in a while hope your OK.

Profile image Bub4429 June, 2015

Always good landing on home soil its been wet only a few cold snaps :)

Profile image Ladylene29 June, 2015

Hey Fagoff .. nice to see you and to hear your holiday has gone so well. Awesome you are stil smokefree and your breathday is coming up fast. Welcome back :)

Profile image smokefreemep29 June, 2015

Hi fagoff, cool that your still smoke free and after a decent holiday. Good on you :)

Profile image Calmwaters29 June, 2015

Safe travels home fagoff, have a warm jacket ready for when you get of the plane :)

Profile image clarence the cat29 June, 2015

Safe travels Fagoff. The weathers not too bad here. Be glad you're SMOKEFREE while travelling. It makes life hassle free.

Profile image nanaturtle29 June, 2015

Yay, fagoff's coming home with tall tales of wide&far away ... me too on the Nana22 front, so hope you're ok Nana. Safe journey fagoff :-)

Profile image Nana2229 June, 2015

Oh fagoff always a bit sad when a holiday comes to an end eh - but it will be nice to be back home, and i know you have your new house project to get into. That will be exciting.
Huge congrats fagoff on 310 days smokefree. You deserve to feel very proud of each and every one of them!
Thanks for thinking of me. I am on the mend now, but have been really sick with flu. Over it now - just the residual yuck and low energy thing which is to be expected.
Welcome home!

24Jun2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Stats Update: 305 days smokefree

Smokefree days: 305 days
Grams NOT smoked: 3050
Total savings: $4,080.00
still nope.enjoying Ireland now,it's lovely to see the sun again.
hope you all going good. Feel more confident of reaching 365 days ,one year now. Never believed I could do it back when I started.
it seems decision then the right repetitive action breeds determination to carry on and succeed.I think I can,I think I can ,I'll do it anyway woo-hoo I am ,I am doing it.

Profile image jakethemuss24 June, 2015

Awesome stats fagoff

Profile image fagoff24 June, 2015

Feels kind of weird I'm writing this message at 7 pm on Tuesday the 23 ,then when I post it says the 24,bit spooky really.like voice from the past.

Profile image AXL24 June, 2015

You do realise that it was 10 months to the day (yesterday) that you had your last smoke. Well done mate☺

Profile image nanaturtle24 June, 2015

Yes fagoff-you're doing it!! Congratulations on your freedom-Safe journey ★

Profile image Bruce C24 June, 2015

have fun. Less than 2 months until breathday now.

That $4,080 saved must be coming in handy right about now too :)

Profile image clarence the cat24 June, 2015

Well done Fagoff. Enjoy your travels.

Profile image smokefreemep24 June, 2015

Awesome stats fagoff. Lol@a voice from the past haha.. when i lived in London as a kid.. id ring my Mum sometimes and id call her future girl lol

22Jun2015 By fagoff  |  Permalink  |  Report Support me - Follow my blogs

Feeling a bit green

Just landed in Dublin. Really enjoyed the Highlands of Scotland but must confess it's great to see the sun again and no rain,

Profile image AXL22 June, 2015

Enjoy Ireland mate. I love the place☺

Profile image Bub4422 June, 2015

I believe its a wonderful place...enjoy

Profile image clematis22 June, 2015

Lovely fagoff, wish I was there. I take it you're still smokefree (grin).

Profile image smokefreemep22 June, 2015

Ireland is beautiful.. love the green feeling :) nice fagoff enjoy it..

Profile image nanaturtle22 June, 2015

Enjoyed most-the people! Caring, friendly not unlike us Kiwis. Enjoy fagoff

Profile image Alan doherty22 June, 2015

Ahhhhh my homeland been living in NZ 12 years now, you can take the man out of Ireland but you can't take Ireland outta the man. Have a great time have a Guinness for me and enjoy the craic I am jealous.

Profile image Blondene22 June, 2015

Sounds awesome enjoy your trip ☺☺

Profile image Nana2222 June, 2015

Sounds lovely fagoff. Keep enjoying your smokefree holiday!

Profile image jordy9123 June, 2015

Hello fagoff. I do hope you enjoy your time in Dublin!