4 days nicotine free
I'm grateful to say that I've been nicotine free for 4 days now. Feeling really lethargic and my body is in limbo or body stoned. My mind is not functioning how it usually would be if I was on nicotine and at times I can feel the tremors. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, This is what happens when you come off the nicotine just to go back to the nicotine only days later, just to go back on the nicotine and repeat the cycle again. This time, I pray for the strength to humble myself and remember where I've come from and where I'd like to go with this quit plan.
I'm going on day 2 and I'm feeling like crap. I didn't want to wake up this morning to my sons fighting at the kitchen table trying to get their school lunches ready, all I wanted to do was bury myself deeper into my bed and sleep my life away. But NO that's not an option in my house hold with youngins. I hate this part of detoxing from nicotine and that's not coping with loud volumes of noise.
I'm going to be making use of blogging for the next couple of days as I need to see past the fog and where I've been hiding in denial about so much in my life.
Please help me
I'm back attempting to stay. I had my last cigarette this morning. I'm going to put a patch on to help me thru the rest of the day and drink a lot of water and a lot of deep breaths in the meantime. I'm feeling really weak and tired. I'd really appreciate the support.
get to the dr's
I forgot to put my garment of humility on, and humble myself. Instead I walked into the nurses office with my cloak of PRIDE. Oh boy, trouble, never miss. I forgot! I forgot that I can easily get tangled up into a lot of nothing over nothing when I'm in that frame of mind. Trying to look after self and look good as if my life depends on it. Oh goodness gracious me the Kuia says in me. Too late I ended up putting my foot in it.
I'm home now, children have settled, and the house is a fricken mess. I feel like hiding under my blanket and not coming up for air. Lol But still I have not picked up a cigarette.
9.40am and the cravings are at it's best
My baby vomitted on me this morning, apparently she must have picked up a bug, and her two brothers have been coughing like crazy and they also need some medical care.
Husband is away working so we don't get to see him till every fortnight and the load just seems to get heavier.
I rang to make an appointment with the Dr, but ended up snapping and raising my voice at the secretary because there doesn't seem to be any vacancies left until Friday before the Dr can see my children. My thoughts were, 'WHAT THE FUDGE'. Stressing myself out on my side of the phone. Eventually I rang back to apologise, because she's such a sweet person and she did not deserve me stressing her out.
So off to the Clinic to see the nurse. In the mean time I need a lot of patience.
Today was my last cigarette now it's time to get real
I'm going to take it as it comes
setting a new date for quitting again, the 11th of November
In the mean time can you please keep me in your prayers. I've been giving up for a day or two, but find myself down that alley again; picking up a cigarette.
Perhaps I need to pray myself because I can't do it on my own.
Full on smoking again
Finding it a struggle to stop again ......... no excuses
Thank you all for your incredible support and encouraging feedback
It's great to be back. I feel like I've come out of the darkness and blogging and keeping intouch with my support group is like coming into the light so that nicodemus cannot emotionally or mentally black mail and keep me in the shadow.
So so glad to be back and I'm so grateful for the support and positive encouragement.
THANK YOU ALL
Back on track
I went off track for a week but I'm back to give it another shot.
I don't regret having had to go back down nicotine lane, but I'm truly regretful that I have to go thru the detox thing again; that part is a bit annoying because I don't want to do anything, just blob around.
I decided not to buy another packet and I had my last cigarette today before lunch.
It truly is a humbling experience admitting that I relapsed. I guess my encouragement to those who are fighting the same course is not to become complacent because it can happen to any of us. So stay closely knitted and continue blogging.