Week 1 was really, really bad. Week 2 was a breeze. Week 3 is really bad. I am again having feelings of want akin to the ones I had at the beginning. What the @#*!!!
The worst thing is, my resolve is not as great as it was in weeks 1&2. Is this a common occurence? Have any of you guys experienced this as well? Just curious.
Getting used to it
Day 10. The nagging habit has settled down somewhat. I think I am getting used to not smoking. Have been taking breaks with the non-smokers at work and it has been great. No craving while at work! Whew! My colleagues are all very supportive and one other smoker even said she envied me!
It's great to work with beautiful people! And it's great to have Quitline and to all the bloggers here: Thank you. I wouldn't have gotten to day 10 without y'all.
Cheers! Have a good night everyone!
A better state of mind
Sorry for the dark blog earlier today guys. After posting that blog, I moped around the house a bit, feeling fed up with fighting the habit. Then, I had something to eat and slept for a few hours. I just woke up feeling much better.
I think just getting it off my chest did the trick. The demon Habit is taking a nap at the moment. And about time too! Thank you for your support guys!
There's a demon named Habit lurking in my mind. Habit slithers in and out of my conscious thought. Subliminal, whispering, remembering...it's insidious. It steadily erodes my resolve to not smoke. It's been 5 days and it feels more like 2 weeks.
I'm not even feeling peckish. I actually prepared for it, bought some foodstuff, thinking that I was going to 'feed' my oral addiction instead. But it hasn't happened. Instead, I have Habit hovering. I doubt if he's going anywhere anytime soon.
Vile taste and a dream
Yesterday, day 3, I felt quite full after having had dinner. My main moments of weakness are always after mealtimes. So, i went out on the deck and had a cigarette. 2/3 of the way, and what do you know...the bloody cigarette tasted quite vile! And I mean absolutely blech!!! Vile!!! Then I started coughing and dry-retching. That's how vile it was!
Hahahahaha!!! I just had to laugh! Now, whenever I get the urge to smoke, I remind myself of the vile taste of that last cigarette and I behave.
Now, on to the dream. I had my first dream about smoking last night. It was in full colour, in a lovely big house with polished wooden beams and secret doors leading to the bowels of the house. Anyway, I was enjoying a smoke in my room when I realised what I was doing and opened the french windows leading out to the balcony. Not to put the cigarette out but to let the smoke out.
Looking down from the balcony, I saw an array of expensive leather luggages, handbags and even an all blacks beanie (on a mannequin's head) for sale. Of course, I didn't buy anything, they were too expensive. Again, I just had to laugh, simply because it was a nice, technicolor dream with happy overtones. I mean, hey, smoking and shopping in an alternate reality is not so bad.
Day 3, I can now take a deep breath without my lungs creaking. They now expand with ease. The shortness of breath is also getting better. Amazing how much the body improves after 48 hours of being smokefree.
Cheers to healthy lungs!
Deciding to quit
I have just decided to quit smoking for real and tears are rolling down my cheeks as I am typing this. I am hyperventilating, was drumming my fingers on the table. Classic signs of anxiety...and I thought myself above this. Hah!
I am devastated! It's akin to losing a best friend. The last time I cried like this was when my cat died, and that was 15 years ago. The decision itself is so emotionally stressful it's enough to drive one to drink (and y'all know what that means).