Enjoying some quiet time. Master 1 asleep, Master 10 at the gypsy fair and Master 17 helping a mate move. AHHHHHHHH bliss...
Had a long night with my son. Coughing and what knot most of the night and would wake himself up. Poor little darling. No temps though which is great. He did have some breakfast today too so hopefully he is bouncing back.
I should be wrapping presents while no one here but agrr it can wait.
My feet need to be up for now.
Looking forward to xmas with my Mum, brother sisternlaw and niece and nephew. Mums cooking rocks lol.
Hope everyone is having a great Saturday wherever you may be today, I must be a great day, its another smokefree day for us :)
Much love PM xxx
I'M At Home YaY!!!!!
We are at home, but we did make a trip to the hospital. The GP thought he needed to have a xray to make sure the pneumonia had got worse again. Plus side it hadnt, down side another chest infection and antibiotics but a different one this time. Temp up and down, as is his mood. One minute happy playing next next grizzly and miserable. As he isnt eating much right now I have to get even more fluids into him. For every meal he doesnt have he needs 100mls of the dietary milk drink he is on. Thats another hour feeding a day. Wow its not easy, i kinda feel like a feeding machine... All the tubes syringes etc i use all have to be washed rinsed and sterilized each time aswel. After 3 days i throw them away and use new ones.
BUT hey at least we at home. He's tucked up fast asleep in his cot. Jobs are done for the day.
Just need to set up machine for his overnight feed then off to sleep for me too. Hopefully a more settled night for us both.
BOAF great to see you here and made it through Day 1, well done Stay strong you can do it :)
Lovely Fran you are soaring through those numbers arnt you. You are awesome. Hope you are doing well. :) xxx
PSPSP I meant to say I'm looking forward to Book 2 and dedicated to the PM of Rothy, well what can I say that Prime Minister is pretty cool hahaha
I cant believe it's only 6 more sleeps till Christmas..
What a year...
Goodnight great people :) :) :)
Much Love PM xxx
PM very tired.
So as i thought it was a long night. Off to the doctors shortly. Temp was up to 39.4 at one point. My poor little guy is such a trooper.
Thank you all for your encouraging comments..
PG you know as I know I will never smoke again, but yes that ahhh feeling is what I need. Not sure ill get it though.... It is fake with a smoke I know.
Ill be fine, i always am...
Will let you know how we get on, if you dont hear from me you know we off to hospital. X fingers for us :) Much Love PM xxxx
Long Day :(
So after a rough night with Master 1 we were off to the doctors. More antibiotics for My sweet boy. Thats going on 8 weeks now.. Temp still up and down, pamol and Ibuprofen keeping it under control just..
Dietitian came in to do a weight check as they have to once a week now, still after two weeks since being in hospital he hasn't gained any weight. He hasnt lost any but its not good. I know have to give him an extra bottle of his pedisure throughout he night. I run it through the machine at 40mls per hour, so he is getting more over a four hour period.
Back to the doctors in the morning. If no improvement it will be a trip to hospital for IV antibiotics. I had to change the tape that holds the tube to his check, what a awful thing that is, he just cries and cries. It makes me feel like a biggest monster out. I know it needs to be done to make him better but man it sux. It sux big time. It presses every button and thought pattern of smoking that i could have.
I will not be defeated but i do need something to give.
I also got a child disability allowance granted today so that will help with all the visits we now have to Kids First Hospital. Its a 80kms round trip from our place so has been costly.
A beautiful social worker brought us a special parcel today with some goodies in it. So im sitting here in the quiet typing away eating Scorched Almonds, OMG yummy...And a glass of coke. Great end to a very long day, I fear my night may just e a long one too so night all. Will let you know how my little guy is tomorrow.
Gosh it great to be back. I know I keep saying it but man I missed you all..
xxxxxx Much Love PM :)
Morning coffee and blog!!!!!!!!!
Oh how I have missed this. Morning coffee and blogging.....
It is so amazing to see soooo many newbies here. The amount of quitters NZ now has is truly outstanding.. man we really do rock!!!
I was planning on blogging lastnight about how my appt went, but after a very long day i went to bed early..
Not that that lasted very long at all. Master 1 was up at 10.30 and that pathed the way for how our night was going to be. Up and down with high temp again. Hard to tell if it is just teething as he has been getting all 4 of his eye teeth. One more to break thru now. Or if its the pneumonia flaring up again or if his tube is causing trouble. So guess what we are doing today...... Yep doctors..
So yesterday wow what a long day. had to be at the hospital for 9am. Had to get all Master 1's gear ready, man so much stuff to take to go out, get Master 10 to school and Master 17 awake to come with me. Well we did make it on time. I had no idea just how hard it is going to be going anyway with Master 1 now. All the feeding gear wow.
So I'm sitting there with two pain specialist and I have to feed my baby. He needs to have fluid every 40mins throughout the day. To make sure he is getting all he needs. Even more so in this heat. Small things you take for granted like just carrying a drink bottle and sipping away on it. I started crying right there. PM reached OMG state... This is HARD.........
Back to the appt anyway. 5 years ago was the last time i was seen by a pain team. Things have changed and there are new things I can try. They are going to talk together with the other doctors about if I a candidate for nerve blockers. For now I have a pain patch on.It's called Clonidine. It's used for High bloodpressure and Migraines but has been proven to work for pain management. The medication on it blocks the affect of adrenaline on the damaged nerves and helps reduces the sensitivity of the nerves. It small and is on my back just above my scar and stays on for a week, before I change it.
So why not give it a go. Ill try most things now. 8 years is a long time to live with this. Now that I have a toddler, a very energetic toddler I need to be able to keep up with him, even more so now with his own medical needs.
I also have been told I am entitled 28 days a year care and support for Master 1. Because of my medical issue aswel I can get double so 56 days a year respite care. Roughly one day a week. BUT the thought of leaving him with someone else scares the hell out of me... So Master 17 is going to do it. Every Friday I'm going out to do whatever I want for the day. He gets payed so he is happy. I'm happy with leaving him with his brother and Master 1 will not be freaked out having to go to a stranger. Win Win.....
Ok time for next feed now. Love to you all. I hope wherever you are today it is a great happy day.
Remember to smile.. Smile to yourself... Smile at others. A smile can make someone day and cheers you up on the inside out..
Much Love my beautiful quit family :) :) :)
Mitchee How are you lovely... xxx
30 days and counting till the next big one!!!!!!
WOW I never dreamed i would be this close to 600 days. truly amazing..
Still feeling blah and think it may last for awhile. My life revolves around medical supplies and feeding tubes. He has had this tube in place since Friday so man i do hope this one stays. They change them every 6 weeks or so. If they dont get pullled out.
Considering all that is happening we seem to be chugging along. Some days i wonder how....
Talk about a test of the wills right here. Smoking has been in my head every day lately. All i can do is look at my son and remember why i quit to start with. The mind playing tricks on me just like in the early days.
Its incredible with the high stress situations what the brain does with it.
It will Help!!! You will relax for a change!!!!
Stupid thoughts. Agggggggrrrrrrrr.......
You are not going to win this fight. If my baby can fight through everyday then so can I..
The feeling I have right now typing to you all when i need the support is heartwarming...
You all have kept me going for 18months so heres to you all and a huge thank you.....
PG how are you beautiful lady... How i missed you :) xxxxx
Stats Update: 569 days smokefree
Smokefree days: 569 days
Grams NOT smoked: 2439
Total savings: $3,280.00
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY IM BACK!!!!!!
And wow look at my stats. Took my breath away. Im lucky I'm still a non smoker. After the last month ive had i swear it could have been so easy to pick up that smoke and breath away or so so in my case. My emotions have pushed me to the brink and back again. Having a 18mth old who now is not allowed to drink after having drinks for so long, not being allowed to go swimming, eat yoghurt, jelly icecream and iceblocks, well anything liquids or of smooth consistency. having this horrible tube in his nose to his tummy. Having pulled it out 8 times in 2 weeks. having to give him 1000mls of fluid a day taking 30mins to do 200 mls through and electronic feeding machine. so much information has passed through my poor tired brain in the last two weeks. it has been so incredibly overwhelming and has broken me completely. Too see my sweet baby deal with all this and be sooooo brave through it all has made me even stronger but weaker at the same time. Knowing that this could be how my son may live forever is heartbreaking. All i can do is hope.......
No surgery can fix this and they dont know why he is this way. They cant make a plan to move forward as they dont know where to go. not having a answer is the hardest thing.
Master !7 is going through some crap with his dad which has been hard for him. He has realised that being a chef is ot what he wants now. The stress is quite high the in kitchen and with the heat and his suffering of migraines and high blood pressure its not great. The doctors agree. So now he is thinking about what eles he feels passion for. Building is one.... Watch this space for a different greatness in him. His girlfriend are 4months together now lol. Funny he took her to lonestar for lunch. Sweet boy :)
Master 10 is amazing. he did great in his Athletcis and place 6th overall in his school. he has been feeling abit left out i think so trying my best to spend as much sparetime as i can with him...
As for my health I have a specialist on Tuesday at 9am with two different doctor together, X fingers for a answer there too..
So the reason Im back now is because their is an amazing lady out there who went the extra mile for a stranger and turned up at my home yesterday with a laptop for me. between her and another amazing person they decided they needed to do what they could too find a computer for myself and my children. What a very Merry Christmas present to us. This the the kind of thing that even through things are so incredibly hard right now there are wonderful people out there that do care. That gives me even more strength to keep fighting.
Today is a tough day for me and I'm just trying to keep my head ablow water so to speak. Today is my twins 15th birthday and for those that know me you know I gave them up for adoption and have been going through a rough journey with them lately. So one is talking to me and one is not. Grrr teenager girls.....
This xmas is the first xmas with my mum in 20years. She has just moved into her new house which for me feels like home also for the first time in 20years. Things there are so great. My mum has finally admitted to choosing my stepfather over me 20years ago. They are now separted and said she was wrong and sorry. Lots of good and bad emotions going now right now. Have to do my very best and stay strong in the positives.
The great feeling i have right now knowing that I can be here and can support and just be back is great. Thank you too those two wonderful people who care xxxxxxxx :)
See you real soon :)
Too everyone who has posted their love and supportI want to say a huge thank and a very merry xmas to you all. The support i have had on here for the last 18months is outstanding and truly inspiring and incredibly. I kn ow i have missed so many milestones are lots of you. Please know that you are and were always in my thoughts. Every day...
But yayyyy IM BACK!!!!!!
Much Love PM xxxxxxxxx
Stats Update: 541 days smokefree
Smokefree days: 541 days
Grams NOT smoked: 2319
Total savings: $3,120.00
Hello everyone. Been ages since i popped in.
So our laptop is dead completely. Hence why i havent been around. Im at my neighbours using hers. Ok heres whats new. Master 16 is now Master 17 he is doing great. 3 weeks till he graduates from his level 3 in cooking. He is jobhunting now. He had his appt with cardiologist. Couple things he wants to do to rule out any rare reasons for bloodpressure. First is a MIR. So awaiting appt for that now.
Master 10 is awesome. He just made it into inter school athletics. Very proud... He is great.
Master 1 had his video xray last tuesday. They taped him swallowing and have discovered what they thought was happening is. When he swallows some of the liquid is going into his lungs. So all the chest infections, the stopping breathing, all the issues he has had is because of this. One very sad mummy right here. We have a appt on Friday with his specialist to dicuss their plan. Probably surgery :'(....
I had a ciggy after i found out. Just one. But still one. It was gross and didnt help. But i convinced myself i would feel better. Well guess what i didnt. Mind over matter... Matter won for a moment. So very stupid after all ive had to deal with. My mind is in control again.
I spoke to my daugthers mum yesterday. They still dont want to know me. Its just breaking my heart. Its thier 15th birthday on dec 15th. Im soooo not looking forward to it. Its always a hard day, but this year will be that much harder nit even being able to talk to them. Have a few teary days of late. Trying to stay strong. Sometimes its just soooooo hard.
Miss you all like crazy mad. Not being able to have your support has been hard.
Im sure ive missed so many milestones and for that im so very sorry.
PG and PSPSP how are you.
Too alllll my other quit family how are you. Yoy know who you are. Far to many to name hahaha.
Time to go now. Ill be back when i can. Know that you are all in my thoughts everyday. So much love and hugs coming your way. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxc
Much love PM xx
Stats Update: 501 days smokefree
Smokefree days: 501 days
Grams NOT smoked: 2148
Total savings: $2,880.00
I missed my big day yesterday. I did have a drink with friends to celebrate though. Hope all is great for you all :)
Stats Update: 496 days smokefree
Smokefree days: 496 days
Grams NOT smoked: 2126
Total savings: $2,840.00
My lovely bloggers how the heck is everyone. Man life is just crazy at the moment. Laptop still on the brink of death grrrrrrrr. I'm at my mums today so taking advantage of her iPad.
My boys are doing awesome, master 16,nearly 17 now is on 4 weeks holidays, so haven't seen much of him as he has a beautiful girlfriend and has been staying at her place. Master 10 is doing great too. He out and about with mates today's on a cool bush walk. Master1 is into everything, climbing running and being a typical little boy exploring the world. He has been well lately,, we have a appt coming up in couple weeks at the hospital, maybe they wil have some answers for me.
I was back in hospital the week before last,some ole pain. I'm all good now though. I have a man in my life now, baby steps but I'm smitten I have to say. Time will tell where it may or may not go, but for now I'm happy. My boys are happy and all is great in our world. Wow so close to my next big one 500 days, holy moly.. I won't be able to post on the day, but think about me and know ill be having a wine for that one. What a journey it has been too. Stronger and stronger I get each and every day. I really do miss being here and supporting you all. Please know that you are all never far from my thoughts. So much love and support here. Old and new well done on your own journey. It sooooooooo is worth it.
Much love to you all, stay focused and strong and you will prevail.
Love PM xoxoxoxoxox :)