21Oct2012 By brutallyoutspoken | Permalink | Report Like0 Support me - Follow my blogs
I went into the dairy yesterday and brought a pack of smokes. I kind of tested myself. I used my old Eftpos card, which has not worked for almost a year but I still keep (no idea why), and obviously, it declined. So I didn't REALLY buy a pack.
I just wanted to see how far I'd go. It might seem like I went all the way, but I had my real Eftpos card with me. And I could have said "oops, wrong card" and brought them, but I didn't!! My logic might seem twisted, but it kind of helped me prove to myself how strong I am.
Things are still messed up and stressful for me right now, but I'm kind of pulling things together. I'm working on reconnecting with a couple members of the family who I fell out with earlier in the year. And as for the whole work situation, the awkward married man thing, I'm also proving to myself I'm not as naive as I thought I really was. I'm being told I'm the exception and that he will leave her for me. 1: I'm not a homewrecker. And 2: I'm not that stupid.
It all just makes me stronger. That's all it does. I've kind of amazed myself the last week.
Summers coming, and with it, BBQs and booze ups. I'm gonna watch myself for a while, until I get past this funk, because I don't think it will take much to slip into last summers habits and start smoking again. I'm going to stay careful...
I hope everyone is doing well, I really do. As I always say, I think of everyone often and wish we could be there for each other to smack our hands when we reach for the ciggies (or the chocolate :p)...