525 Days non-smoking and I still need to be vigilent
Wow some days it seems like a lifetime since my last smoke. Other days it feels like an hour or two.
Life is a bit stressful at the moment, and I am reminded that that fall back "i need a smoke" feeling lasts for a very long time. During the last month I have been confronted with a number of "challenges" (i fear a true description would get blocked due to excessive swearing) and that hollow feeling you get when the nicodemon is rattling around in your head has been ever present.
I have no intention of giving in, but it is really humbling to realise it's with you for a lot longer than you think and that to some extent you are always an ex-smoker.
My trick is to focus on why my lot in life is not too bad, I have a roof over my head there is food in my children's tummies and there are no debt collectors at the door. AND I HAVE MY HEALTH. all the bad stuff is just noise and it's not really that important. There are people in this world who overcome momentous hardship on a daily basis. See I feel better already.
To all the newbies fighting the battle each day, go you, you are legend. It does get better, but never be complacent. Just one will hurt, and you deserve to be free of cigerettes.
Take care all.
Is it christmas yet?????
I don't know about everyone else but I am so ready for holidays. I droped my daughter off for her last morning of school today and all I wanted to do was go home take the corporate uniform off banish the makeup and enjoy a smoke free summer.
Sadly I had to drive to work, say bye bye to the sun and go pretend I'm doing something important at my desk. I so want to bunk today.
Well it's been a big year and the stresses have been fairly constant. But I am proud to say the nicodemon has failed to tempt me.
I still have moments. I've been injured and unable to run, which has left me feeling a bit twitchy. And there have definately been nights when a puff has seemed apealing- more due to boredom and stress. But everytime I go out my back door and smell the nico-cloud coming over the fence from the neighbours (bless them not) I remember how I so don't want to go there anymore.
To all the newbies, go you, it might seem like a hard time to stay smokefree with all the socialising but embrace the sunshine and relish the freedom of not being chained to a habit. And when it gets hard Blog away. Those of us how have been at it for a while still use the blog space, it never looses it's benefit. When I am having a moment I always come to read, to be reminded that I am not alone and that together we can do anything.
Merry Christmas to you all....................is it home time yet?
ONE WHOLE YEAR YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Happy Smoke free day to me....Happy smoke free day to me............
Aren't you so please that blogs don't come with sound!!
I have to say I am so very very proud of myself for being here. A year ago this seemed like an impossible challenge. And yet after the first few weeks it really did get easier.
I still have my moments, they virutally always come from stress and are all about habit rather than nicotene.
I've also learnt a lot about myself along the way, I can do virtually anything, I don't need smoking to make me feel more confident - in fact it does the reverse, and most importantly I deserve to be treated well. I can't expect others to treat me well if I don't treat myself kindly.
My reward is I am off to run a Half in the Auckland Marathon. When I bought the ticket this seemed like an amazing reward to someone who couldn't run to the end of the drive (and it was a very short drive). Today less than 72 hours out it seems like an act of shear madness, but oh well if I can not smoke for a year 21 silly little km's should be a piece of cake!!!!!
To all those new to the journey good luck, and remember it is a journey - no two days are the same, and that's life whether you smoke or not. Might as well give up the nicotene and live long enough to absorb the scenery.
344 days and I am reminded it's a journey
Well coming up to the one year landmark and what can I say. I think I always thought if I get to a year then all the hard work is done. What i am realising is that is only half true.
I don't mean to scare new quitters because it is way way easier but when the proverbial hits the fan i am surprised to find the occasional niggle. I guess to be fair I had been cultivating this habit for 20 + years and it was probably a bit silly to think it was just going to "go away" but hell it would have been nice.
Life is always stressful and I know a cigerette will not take away the stress (particularly as withdrawl cannot be blamed for any of it) but some days my mind still plays that trick of chasing some ellusive release from the tension. Intellectually I know smoking never did that but then habits aren't rational.
On these rare bad days I remind myself that nothing worthwhile is easy (groan that is sooooo cheesy but true nonetheless), and that at least my demon is nicotene. I remind myself that while the journey seems a tough one at times it is a far easier journey than many face, i know where my children are, I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and I have the love of my family. All I have to do is stay alive and not smoke. It's a pretty good deal.
288 Days wow if feels like a lifetime................... in a good way
Oh My goodness, I can't believe how the number is climbing. It's so sureal to see those stats.
Last night I went for my first group run, you know where you pay money to run all over town with a group of "runners" and learn how to run better and get faster. ME a runner LOL there must be pigs flying somewhere in the world. I kept expected someone to tap me on the shoulder and say " oi you smoker out of here".
I have agreed to run a half marathon (worse I'm making my friend and my sister join me). ME run a half marathon, 288 days ago i couldn't have run to the end of the drive (and it was a short drive) what was I thinking..................
I was thinking I want to live, I don't want to be scared everytime my throat hurts or my chest gets weezy. I was thinking I owe it to my kids to live, to be physically present in their lives. I was thinking I'm a smart woman so why am i being so stupid. I was thinking life is too short to miss the good bits because I was out having a puff.
The joy I get from being able to do things that smoking stoped me from in the past, is beyond priceless. Don't get me wrong I still get the niggles from time to time. But I'm not a smoker anymore, I was for 22 years and it took me a lot of attempts to get here. But for those struggling it is worth it, all the bad moods and the my head is going to explode moments are worth the joy that the freedom from smoking brings.
Take care and blog blog blog
272 days and I can't imagine being a smoker......
Now that's not to say that I don't have my twinge moments, "ah a smoke and a bear (very unladylike) sounds like bliss", but when I try to imagine being a smoker the brain just can't fathom it.............. Weird because I was for 22 years.
I watched the bit on TV about smoking and measures being taken to stop it in NZ. And apart from the hipocrasy (spellcheck on this blog wouldn't go amiss) of talking about banning all smoking while deriving GDP from Tobacco exports!!!!!! the thing that struck me the most was when the reporter confronted one of the tobacco execs (while out having a puff) about how they felt about the fact that their customers were dying.
Part of me wondered if it was compulsory to smoke if you worked for big tobacco.....................but mostly I could not get over his response that "that's a rather inflamitory statement..........."
Ah No not really they are literally dying in large numbers. A fact no matter how unpleasant is still a fact nontheless.
He just looked sad and tragic. He seemed to have a grey haze to him and I thought that must be a awful job, lying to people and knowing you are being paid to do it. Must rot the soul. That's like being the guy telling people the platonium we just buried in you back yard wont be that bad for you................
Go all you quitters it is worth all the moments. blog blog blog and if at first you don't succeed come back and try again
What a day yesterday
259 Days and I think if I had had ready access to cigerettes yesterday I would have been in trouble. Just goes to show you are never completely "safe" and should never be complacent.
I had one of those days where so much went wrong that I know exactly how the possum in the headlights feels. It's all bad no matter what you do..............
Stress that's my killer. Long term i still have to deal with my stress and ways to release the pressure. Running works but being a solo it's not always possible. I suffer from a requirement to make too many decisions, maybe it's time to reassess my priorities.
I need a blog space for solo parents, cause I love my girls but on your own is hard, so very very hard. It's not even like i sweat the small stuff, I gave that up years ago. No one to share the blame or the triumphs.
Sorry that's my winge for the day.
Stay strong everyone that Nicodemon pops up when you least expect it.
255 Days and I really can't imagine myself smoking
I have "given up" so many times I honestly couldn't put a number on it. For me this time the difference is i "quit". This time I never saw it as denying myself something but as refusing to subject myself to the addiction.
It's had it's moments but not once have i thought about buying a packet or begging one off a smoker. That doesn't make me amazing i truely believe i was just ready and doing it for the right reasons.
For me I instantly latched on to something that I know I can't do if I smoke - I run. I have never been a runner and my family still find it hard to take on board that I actually run. Now don't get me wrong there are no world records in my future, i'm not a late entrant for the olympics. But I love that I can do something that smoking made impossible. Last night I ran my fastest 7km and no cigerette has ever made me feel that good.
I love that my growing girls who have a mum who would rather go to bootcamp or run in a race (i have finally taught them not to expect mummy to win) than plant them in front of the TV so I can go outside for a puff.
I love that I don't spend my time trying to find ways to be away my children because I never smoked around them.
I love that I am actually more confident socially than before because I don't spend all my time worrying about when my next opportunity to smoke might be.
So to all of you early on the road, it's not easy. The hard days sometimes come completely out of the blue. For me I accept that I am addicted to nicotene, I accept that there is no such thing as one puff. when it all gets to hard I blogged or if I couldn't do that I came here to read. It works because you are all inspiring people and it helps not to be alone.
209 Days Woo Hooo
I can't remember if I have ever given up for this long before. It feels like a lifetime since I last had a smoke!!!!
Not to say that the old niggle doesn't happen from time to time. I still have those "right when I've done that I can go have a smoke...........oh no wait I don't do that any more..........." moments. I still find the stressful moments the ones when the thought slips in, but I send it packing right smart.
I know I go on a bit about it (as my team "so gently" point out - I have no life (harsh little so and so's may never get a pay increase)) but my savior is running. I need something to burn off the jitters. I have now taken this to the level of stupidity and have committed to the Auckland Half. This seemed like a great idea at the time but on Saturday morning as I stood at the bottom of Portland road hill ( a hill of legendary proportions) I thought that a smoke might be a better life choice. Sigh, then I took my harden up pill and plodded on.
In my smoking days i would have needed the ambulance after the first 100m. I'd rather be alive and stuffed than dead and rested.
To me success has been about celebrating the things that smoke free brings you. The sweet smells, not having to smell smoke on your children, being able to be active and not cough up a lung, money, not having to huddle in the cold to have a fix............... Its a long list, mentally write one every time it seems too hard.
196 Days Smoke free
Well i'm pretty sure this is the longest I have ever quit for so I am feeling pretty impressed with myself. The niggle is still there though so it's a battle that continues.
I have just had my job change at work, and it's a bit like out of the pan into the fire kind of change. Hugely rewarding and hugely terrifying. There have been those who have suggested my non-smoking days may be in danger. And they are right in so much as the stress levels (normally fairly high) have gone up a level, but i have no great desire to smoke, I know that smoking wont change my stress level, just add another layer.
I had my greatest reward on Sunday. I have been doing a bit of running (or running like motion) and have signed on for a series of 10k runs around auckland. In my smoking state I couldn't run to the end of the drive. So sunday was race two and it had one of those "hills" that keep on giving in it, and still I made it. I ran across that finish line (admitedly way way back in the field) like I had won gold. I was so stoked to have finished and finished faster than the last one.
I am alive, i am getting stronger, and I am setting the best example I know how for my two wee women in the making.
I read somewhere that the biggest influence on a child for the health choices they make is the choices they see their mothers make. It's not that Dad's are less important (far from it, my Dad is my world), I think it's just we always expect our Mums to be the sensible ones. So when we see Mum eating well, or excercising or NOT SMOKING we really take that on board. Lord I hope so it would break my heart to see my girls smoke.
There was a moment last week though when I had the worst run and as I am slogging along a king sized bar of cadbury and a smoke seemed like way more fun. Sigh.