Today started badly. Fell over on the deck - sore!
My cat had three kittens a few weeks ago and my favourite little fella was dead in his basket this morning. Double, triple ouch.
So lots of tears today, lots of feelings surfacing and there have been a lot of tears. But I recognise and accept that some days are worse than others. I'm going to embrace a good one tomorrow.
No downers people, wasn't sure if I should share but I haven't resorted to the cigs, so feeling good about that after a pretty difficult day.
It's a miserable Auckland rainy night and I got wet and cold running around so we've lit the fire. I opened the door to the log burner and could instantly smell the fag butts I've deposited when I've emptied my ashtrays.
I looked at those poor little dead soldiers, the dozens of rollies all squashed up at one end where I'd stubbed them out.
I had to laugh. It looked so sad and I don't want them any more. Smoking actually felt like a thing of the past for a brief moment - a small moment and a quick smile.
When you're feeling a bit low...
This is my third day of feeling a bit low and I'm on day 13. So I thought I'd blog about a few of the GOOD things I'm feeling, to give a bit of inspiration to anyone out there who is also having a bit of a struggle street.
I can look in the mirror and honestly smile at myself for the decision I've made to stop smoking. It's a proud feeling.
I'm drinking twice as much green tea, hardly any ordinary tea (was drinking about 10 cups of tea a day) and half the amount of coffee. For no other reason than I feel like it.
I'm super skinny and need to put on weight. Already the scales are budging upwards.
I go for longer/more walks to use up time. Taking huge gulps of fresh air makes me feel like fresh air.
Seem to be achieving more in my day and thriving on cooking and food. (Think all day long about cooking delicious dinners).
Drinking lots of water might be making me have to pee more in the night but my skin is thanking me for it.
I'm going to save the money I was spending on cigs to have my teeth fixed. Loooong overdue to see the dentist.
I'm sure there are other things but I'm grateful to this site for being able to share my feelings and read other people going through their stuff. Non-smokers of NZ unite!
Bad day at the office
Day 11 has been a struggle. No idea why as it's all been going so well. I've had so much energy I think I ran out of steam. So I've just been for a big walk and feel much better. And not long now until the sun rises on tomorrow which will be a better day I'm sure.
Am looking forward to my two week mark then it's only two more weeks until I graduate to stage 2 patches - yeehah.
When I was walking, I realised my one month anniversary will be on Valentine's Day and I've never been one to celebrate it but this year I'm going to suggest to hubby we go to a nice restaurant. Nice to have rewards and occassions to look forward to.
Hope everyone treats each day being a non-smoker as a pat on the back and apart from all the obvious benefits, make sure you reward yourself!
and going well. Had my first up close and personal with three friends over last night, two of them smokers. I sort of panicked when one of them lit up but just had to take a few breaths and soon enough I actually forgot about the fact they were smoking. I even went outside and sat with them. I really didn't want to smoke (not entirely truthful, I did but there is no way).
So today I did what any self-respecting non-smoker should do. Took advantage of the sales, bought myself a bunch of new clothes, one size larger!
Never mind the rain people, stay strong whatever day you're on. Our gardens will grow more beautiful. Brightness to you all.
I'm feeling slightly euphoric today and really feeling like I can proudly say I AM A NON-SMOKER yeeehah!
Twice in the last week I've forgotten where I parked my car and I honestly don't think I've ever done that in my life. Anyone else having fag brain?
Day six, Doing fine
Hi everyone, I've been away to see my in-laws and I not only survived it, I had a great time. Helps that none of them smoke. Also helped that when I told them I was on day 3 or 4, they were over the moon and made a big fuss which made me feel good. Still couldn't call myself a non-smoker though, it's weird, like I don't deserve to call myself that yet. But I'm going to!
Tomorrow I have a small operation and it's one of the reasons for quitting. I didn't want to go into hospital and have a general anaesthetic being a smoker. I'm proud of myself for being smoke-free and I'm looking forward to the op rather than dreading it.
What's helping me most is a)patches, b)taking it one day at a time - waking up in the morning and saying 'I choose not to smoke today' and c)lots of deep breathing and sipping water. Other than that it's remembering to smile and patting ourselves on the back.
On day six, I'm feeling pretty good. I think about all the reasons I'm doing this and they are all positive and my crystal ball is seeing a pretty good future!
All the very best to fellow one-weekers tomorrow and to everyone on this monumental journey. WE CAN DO IT!!!
Here I am at last! So far, so good. Patch firmly in place and my mood is just fine. Yesterday I felt really panicky about today being my quit day and last night I tried to talk myself into delaying for one more day. But I woke this morning and thought that this was my promise to myself, so I put on the patch and got on with the day. The four D's are very good practice (have been practicing that for weeks) but for me the biggest 'D' is that this is my Decision and I find that is empowering. Nobody can take that away from me. So here's to all fellow day one quitters. I wish you all sincere good health.