107 days today
Have just come back from two weeks holiday, visiting family and for the first time ever, I was organising my life as to when I was going to be able to sneak away for a ciggarette. Whenever we used to go out or be invited to things my first thought would be, how are we going to have a ciggarette and not be noticed.
It's great not being a slave to the nicodemon anymore, I can actually live my life. I can hug people and not be worried if I smell of smoke or not. I can hang out with friends and just relax and enjoy the moments rather than constantly be worried about when I'm going to get my next fix.
Still having those weird heartburn issues from time to time though - so random.
Anywho, just wanted to say a big congrats to all my fellow non-smokers - keep pushing through cos with each new day we are that much closer to being healthier and feeling free.
Heartburn Side Affect
Thanks so all those who responded to my last post, that was super helpful.
To those of you who suggested that heartburn was a side affect to quitting and have experienced this side affect. Can you answer me three things. First of all, have you ever experienced heart burn before? Secondly does it go away?? Lastly, how long does it take to go away - did you require medication or anything?
Ok so that was four questions, oh well.
Day 86 - 4 days short of 3 months - WHOOP WHOOP
Is anybody still having weird chest issues. I don't so much have a tight chest anymore it kinda feels like when you have swallowed a pill and you can feel that it hasn't quite gone all the way down and you have to drink some water to make it go down. Well this ain't going down, it's just sitting there like a big lump in my chest - like air or some sort of pressure keeps building up in my chest, it's not painful, just real uncomfortable.
It's so weird man, I seem to be having more random health issues AFTER quitting smoking than I did when I WAS smoking. That's not supposed to happen.
All the thing he said, messing with my head... la la la la
Still smoke free but ever since the incident of last week when I found out the husband had bought some smokes and was trying to hide them from me, it's really played havoc with my head aye.
In my opinion, 90% of giving up is attitude and mind set. I was doing really well, I had started a new routine, taken on a few hobbies to keep my mind off not smoking - I was doing well.
But when my husband bought home those smokes I realised that he obviously wasn't in the same head space I was and it scared me to think that he might start again and me being the person I am, might end up jumping back on that band wagon with him. The only thing that is stopping me from smoking again is that awful thought of the initial detox period. I hated those first few weeks but the sense of achievement and freedom you get afterwards is awesome.
I guess what I am trying to say here is that before he bought the smokes home - smoking was a distant memory, but now, I can't stop thinking about it - i wish it would just go away again, that was good times.
First of all this weekend has been a shocker. My neighbours had a spontaneous party and invited my husband and I. There were smokers there and everyone kept offering me ciggarettes and I couldn't say no.
Then I find out that my husband (who quit the same day I did) bought a packet this weekend also - he tried to hide it from me but being an ex-smoker I knew all the signs so I confronted him, he totally tried to lie and get out of it but I busted him on it. I ended up having one of the ones from his bought packet and it made it panic. I realised I'm just not strong enough to say no when ciggarettes are around. If they are not there I'm find. I mean, it's been 79 days and I'm so proud of that fact. In fact I feel free - free that I don't have that niggling demon on my shoulder every waking hour and constantly wondering when I'm going to get my next fix from. But realising that I haven't quite reached a point where I can resist them when they are around me really scares me. I DON'T want to start smoking again. The mind torture I went through to even get to this point of freedom was awful and I NEVER want to have to go through the detox period ever again. But I'm so afraid that if my husband continues to buy smokes I'm going to start wanting them again and have to go all the way back to square one. I don't know what to do. I want to know how I can resist them in the future even if my husband has had one I don't want to feel like to have to have one to just because he got to have a naughty "treat" and I didn't. This is so scary for me, I dont know what to do. I want to stay smoke free more than anything but right now my impulses seem to be stronger than I can control.
Righto so a friend of mine sent me to this website yesterday http://www.healthyfood.co.nz/recipes after my run in with little miss lollipop head from the gym. I've decided that I've been "rewarding" myself way too much lately and I think, at 73 days I can afford to get back on the healthy eating wagon.
I really hate cooking so would always take the easiest and quickest option out there - which generally means it wasn't always the best for me either.
But this website is awesome, you can select catagories from 'low fat', to 'on a budget', to 'ready in 20 minutes' (my favourite), what ever you want and it comes up with all these delicious and healthy things to eat. I tried the Pita Pizza last night - oh my gosh SOOOOO YUMMY and suprise surprise it was healthy and low in fat.
I made myself a wee recipe book and I am determined that I am going to loose these extra 4 kgs that I have put on sitting quitting smoking. I refuse to let this weight this control me or make me feel inadequate or down about myself any longer. WE HAVE ALL QUIT SMOKING PEOPLE - that is an extraordinary feat and we should all be SUPER proud of ourselves and not let anything put a wet blanket over that success.
We can do anything we put our minds to!!!! So keep up the good efforts people, you have already won!!!
Ok so I had an appointment with the gym. It was a visual planner appointment which actually pops up a picture of what you supposedly look like at the moment and what you should look like when you reach your goal weight.
Since quitting smoking I am back up to 86.5kgs which is heavier than I was before I even started going to the gym in the first place.
I told the lady I had quit smoking and she blew that off like it was nothing (clearly another person who has never smoked before and just has no freakin idea how hard it is and what a toll it can take on your mind and body). That really pissed me off.
And to top it all off the computer said I could afford to loose 24kgs. TWENTY FOUR KGS, are you FREAKIN KIDDING ME!!!!!
I am 5'11", that would make me 62kgs and look like one of those anorexic models that only eat cotton and paper for sustenance. Plus I inherited my Dad's big Samoan build - there is just no way in hell I could ever be 62kgs and healthy.
This chick was only like 19 years old, completely cocky and kept saying "we gotta save you we gotta save you". I mean how insulting is that?
It's depressing enough as it is gaining 4kgs in two months, given the trying circumstances of quitting smoking and she was just looking down on me like I was this pathetic….THING she just couldn't wait to insult, tell she's a fatty and get out of her office.
I bloody hate the scales man. I can't believe how heavy I've become. This is the heaviest I've been ever in my life and I'm so depressed.
I was going really well at the gym until I quit smoking. I would go 4 times a week and have been for the last 2 years - just feels like I have gone all the way back to square one and have nothing to show for it.
70 days and getting Titchy
Not really very proud of myself lately. I'm finding myself getting aggrievated by.....well....pretty much everything.
I don't know if it's cos of mental nico withdrawls of because I'm currently finding no satisfaction in my job and life in general but I really don't like the person I've become.
Only a week ago I was marvelling at the fact that I actually felt free of the nicodemon. It felt so amazing not to constantly be weighed down and have my every thought plagued with the fact that I was quitting smoking. I felt light and carefree and first sense of peace I have felt since before I started smoking.
That seems to have gone now and been replaced with anxiety, aggrievation and getting mad at everything.
I don't have an urge to smoke but what I really want is for this whole smoking thing to be a distant memory. For my mind to be clear, my feelings to be chilled out and I wanna be able to FINALLY get on with my life the way it SHOULD be.
How can I stop being mildly pissed off all the time?
You can call me Captain Pudgy Pants
In my opinion there is only one thing wrong with qutting smoking - your clothes start to get smaller.
I can't believe it, 4 kgs in two months. It took me nearly 2 years to take that 4kgs off in the first place and THAT Quickly *snaps fingers* it's back again - how depressing.
I know it's my own fault. I perhaps gave myself one too many "congratulations I've quit smoking" treats, but would always tell myself, it's better to be a bit fat and healthy than thin and sick.
Yeah.....not thinking that anymore though. Need to get back into some sorta better eating plan or something, I'm not enjoying being squiggy.
Breathing getting better
Well it lasted for like 3 weeks but my breathlessness is finally starting to subside. It was scary there for a while, always struggling to get enough air, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. It's still there sometimes, it comes and goes now and again but at least it's not 24/7 anymore. I guess not smoking 975 ciggarettes had something to do with that.