Last night I was at work when we heard about the earthquake in Japan. My eldest son has been living in Japan since last June. Work was so busy I couldnt do much till I finished at 10pm. I drove home with the thought of buying smokes in my head, just a smoke to help me cope with the worry....
My daughter then phoned to let me know my son had emailed that they were ok, the earthquake didnt affect them in southern Japan, you can imagine how relieved I was!
That nicodemon didnt shut up though, he'd planted the seed, and soooo nearly had me down the gas station buying that poison, even after I'd found my son was ok.
Just felt so good this morning to wake up knowing I didnt lapse, of course it wouldnt have helped or changed a thing, not for the better anyway.
ODAAT! Enjoy your weekend if you have one, I have night shift tonight, but still "counting my blessings" - I love cliches! :)
Gratitude is the attitude
Day 4 has been up and down, thinking alot about having a fag when work was a bit stressful and on the way home tonight.
I'm going for daily walks with my dog, it's my "me" time, and it's so much more enjoyable as a nonsmoker, was even getting that natural high and feeling sooooo happy, in my own rhythm with my ipod and pooch. I may even start jogging soon, since my body seems to be repairing itself. I'm 49 and did my first half marathon 2yrs ago walking the whole way.Some call it midlife crisis hehehe. I did it again last year and was craving a smoke before it started but of course no one else was smoking, how stupid. I no longer have that dirty little secret of smoking.
I used to never leave home without my smokes and my inhaler! Crazy eh. Now I'm needing the inhaler a lot less too.
I'm still surprised whenever I buy groceries and the total is always less than I expected, without the cost of a packet of fags added on!
Yes the best way to fight the craving is to remind myself of how grateful I am, another day smoke free, more health to enjoy the other good things in life.
And the ODAAT or one day at a time means living more in the present, being here now. It's all good really :)))))
Day One Again
My stats read 28 days but have been smoking again on and off for the last 10 days so I am starting again today on day 1.
Just to remind myself AGAIN I have a sore throat and sinus infection, greyish complexion, cough and wheeze, money wasted, lowered self esteem, the list goes on.
Have requested Alan Carrs book from the library, am going to stick a patch on, and do whatever else it takes, so help me God!
NOPE ...not one puff ever
Thats my new mantra after my little slip.
I need to remember to call myself a nonsmoker (though I may not yet feel like one). As Quit line says, non smokers dont test themselves by having one little puff. That little puff turns into more and more till its full on smoking again, I did that so many many times and never want to go back there.
Anyway now I'm worried about Kathry, havent seen her on here and just hope she's ok. (As well as Minty and all our quit family in ChCh)
Kia kaha everyone.
Keep on keeping on
Its day 20 for me and I have had a litle slip but am back on the bus whole heartedly.
My problems are nothing compared to what's happening in Christchurch.
Thoughts and prayers are with you. Kia kaha.
Yaye Day 15
Well I've made it for 2 weeks now, so I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.
It's still tough at times but I'm learning to tell that nicodemon to bugger off.
Mostly I can't believe I did that to myself for 33 years.
I have to work 10 hours late shift this arvo,which is good as it keeps me busy. The toughest time is after work when I'm all wound up and knackered.
Hope all of you with time off enjoy the lovely weather and staying smokefree. ODAAT!
Yippee I'm a Non Smoker!!!
Its day 11 and I am practicing saying it!
No one said it would be easy and it sure isn't.
Oh that's right - Alan Carr said it could be easy all through his book. It's all in the way we look at it.
So Today I choose to be glad I havent smoked today.
I smell much nicer, my skin looks better, I can breathe easier and have lots more energy. I've also not spent at least $125 choking myself.
I am feeling way better about myself, I'm gonna keep practising saying it. "yippee I'm a Non Smoker, I'm Free!"
Well, I am feeling good about getting to day 10, BUT I have been thinking about smoking ALL day. No work today, have a long list of stuff I need to do at home but haven't got much done.
I have been reading the blogs though, which I do find so positive and helpful.
I guess that smoking took up so much of my life before, 20 a day on average...thats over 3 hours spent mostly sitting on my backside, sometimes reading at the same time, hanging the washing, half-heartedly pulling weeds or sweeping with a smoke in one hand. Also while driving or on work breaks etc etc. Three hours and 20mins each day for 33 years, that's a lot of time spent on a very bad habit.
So I guess it's ok to take it easy and rehab myself in whatever way works. Sometimes it's keeping busy and sometimes it's just doing nothing.
True relaxation is an art in itself. Smoking was so stress producing really. At work it's 3 flights of stairs from the carpark to my work floor, and my heart would be pumping like mad sometimes after a smoke and coffee break.
So I have just been on another long bike ride with my 8 year old son through our local regional park. He is into spotting hawks, not sure if we saw any though he did, but did see lots of other birds and animals and a beautiful sunset. And for all that and another smoke free day I am truly grateful.
First Week almost over
Am having to deal with lots of family/financial stress at the moment. Things that in the past were perfect excuses to smoke alot, and made it definitely not a time to quit.Luckily I cannot afford any smokes,though even that, in the past would see me scrounging the price of a packet and justifying it to myself.
I am realising also that smoking did not calm me at all. It just fed the addiction that would be calling out for more in a short time.
When smoking I would swallow or inhale my feelings (anger, anxiety, fear) instead of expressing them. This is one of things my partner fears when I quit, because instead of sucking it all in with a smoke, it starts to come out and he's often the target (when he deserves it of course). But repressing those feelings and not dealing with them is no good for us or healthy communication.
So anyway its good to feel calmer, except when a craving hits, but I'm learning that they do pass and a gum or drink etc helps.
Had to have a bit of a ramble....its good to know there's so many others out there trying and succeeding in beating this thing.
The pictures on whyquit.com of the cancerous and rotted lungs are helpful to remember, not to mention the sad stories and pictures of young victims of smoking.
Fourth day done
On Xmas day my partner had a heart attack, fortunately not a severe one. He is aged 53 and doesnt smoke. The doctors said if he had been a smoker his outlook would have been a lot worse.
There were signs everywhere in the hospital and carpark saying "Smoking is the No1 preventable cause of disease". But although I have tried a thousand times to quit and every possible method, it wasnt till I had no money (not even a cent in the kid's piggy banks) that I actually stopped smoking, because I literally couldnt afford to.
Thank goodness for being broke. Once I got paid again it got a little harder to resist but it's been 20 days since then with a 3 day slip last week.
My kids are happy, my partners been a bit fearful of tantrums (from previous experience!), but the benefits are being felt already.
As Ang reminded me from Alan Carrs book, his chapter on The Benefits of Smoking - a blank page.
Thanks heaps to Quitline for the texts and everyone else who supports me.