6Sep2010
By polhigg | Permalink | Report
Support me
ooohh no.
I did it. I had a smoke :(
I can't believe it. I don't even know why exactly. Its been in my head all day, and then just before I just got up, and went to the shop, bought a packet and smoked one. It tasted bad, but at the same time, it was great.
I feel terrible, today was day 57.
The worse thing is i'm not sure if i wanna continue my quit. Even at day 57, I can't stop thinking about smokes all the time and how much I want one. I don't wanna be a smoker, but I can't handle being smoke-free either. I feel like my life will just never be as fun as it was.
And the weight gain, I can't handle the weight gain. I'm very particular about my weight and its getting me down.
Not sure what to do now. The pack of now 19 is in my glovebox in the car. Scared that in a few hours I will be venturing back out to the garage for another one.
I just don't know what to do :(
Kinda feel like ringing quitline but don't really wanna talk to anyone over the phone.
Nooooooooooo.
I can't believe it. I don't even know why exactly. Its been in my head all day, and then just before I just got up, and went to the shop, bought a packet and smoked one. It tasted bad, but at the same time, it was great.
I feel terrible, today was day 57.
The worse thing is i'm not sure if i wanna continue my quit. Even at day 57, I can't stop thinking about smokes all the time and how much I want one. I don't wanna be a smoker, but I can't handle being smoke-free either. I feel like my life will just never be as fun as it was.
And the weight gain, I can't handle the weight gain. I'm very particular about my weight and its getting me down.
Not sure what to do now. The pack of now 19 is in my glovebox in the car. Scared that in a few hours I will be venturing back out to the garage for another one.
I just don't know what to do :(
Kinda feel like ringing quitline but don't really wanna talk to anyone over the phone.
Nooooooooooo.
Dear polhigg
Thank you kindly for your blog. Slip ups happen. Please be kind to yourself and go easy. 57 days is a great effort and you can continue if you want too. This will depend on the choices you make from here. You could revisit the reasons why you wanted to stop smoking 57 days ago. Are these reasons still important to you?
Here are some questions that might help to ground you and not react to the many thoughts you probably have:
What benefits or things did you most enjoy about being a non-smoker?
What were your stats i.e. how many smokes have you not smoked, how much money have you saved on smokes?
Was there something about smoking that you missed? How could you replace this as a non-smoker?
Remember there are 3 parts to the addiction of smoking:
• Chemical- cold turkey, nicotine products or alternative therapies.
• Habitual- when did you usually smoke? What have you done to change these routines and break the habit?
• Emotional- why did you smoke? What reasons do you have to stay a non-smoker?
Hopefully you can move forward and trust you’re self that you can continue to do well. Shifting your focus and thinking like a non-smoker is difficult but you have been practicing it for 57 days so you’re obviously good at it.
Please feel free to contact the Quitline if you have any queries and/or would like some support. This is what our advisors are here for to support you in times like these. We can discuss your needs and attend to them as needs be.
Kind regards
Kaanon
Online Quit Advisor
Quitline 0800 778 778
Website- www.quit.org.nz
Quitline opening hours:
Monday- Friday 08.00am- 09.30pm
Sunday 10.00am- 07.30pm
The Quit Group, PO Box 12 605, Wellington
Hey Polhigg. I'm sorry to hear you have slipped. If I were you I would be going out to the car and grabbing that packet and binning them quick smart. Too much temptation I think.
Sit back for a moment, think about the reasons you wanted to quit in the first place. These should still be the same. If you haven't already, have a look at Minty's youtube site and have a nosy at some of the vids there, particularly "Thanks tobacco, you killed my Mum".
That's the future of a smoker and I find this video a pretty powerful motivator to not smoke again when I am struggling.
The weight gain is something most of us go through but really is minor considering the effects of smoking. It should be treated as a temporary condition, I would consider lung cancer and the other side effects of smoking much worse.
As you yourself said in an earlier blog, you gotta get up, dust yourself off and start again.
Kia Kaha
Hi there Polhigg - good advice there from Quitline (after all they've been trained! lol). From a novices point of view I'd say that with the temptation so close to hand, you know that you will go and have another cigarette if it stays as it is. Sometimes we can talk ourselves into smoking a lot easier than we can talk ourselves out of it and with cigarettes right there, we can really convince ourselves that we're going to cave and almost encourage ourselves to do it. You mentioned your weight being an issue and that you don't feel that your life will be fun anymore. I really want you to seiously think about this:-
If you decide to smoke there is a huge chance that you will get some horrible disease that WILL make you lose weight and not be able to gain it back (that's not going to be very attractive)! How much fun IS smoking? What fun are you missing? Is it the holding of a cigarette? The lighting it? The hanging around in all weathers being a slave to it? By quitting smoking it is freeing you from the attachment you have to smoking and the attachment tobacco companies have with you. Do you want to waste your money on tobacco? Don't you think the Government get enough tax from you without adding cigarettes to the list? Is your outward appearance more important to you than your internal health? Do you want to go back to bad breath and stinky hair? I'm sure that's not the case Polhigg. You're a positive, determined person who has been smokefree for 57 days! You've gotten over the worst of all the phases - the initial grumps and are now tackling the next part - the break of the habit. It's time to persevere with that part and break the habit once and for all. If you don't you'll be back at square one and feeling as if you've failed. You're at a critical point here Polhigg....you either sit and smoke or throw them away (take them to poor old Brighton and bury them in a sand volcano!) and carry on. Really think about it Polhigg - we're here for you and all hoping that you stick with us. ♥
Polhigg my friend....we slip...we beat ourselves up...is it gonna be any better by smoking....you know deep down what you what & from reading your life journey...get back up throw the packet out (under a tap)...deep breath...BIG drink of water....talk to us...we are all here as a team with & for you....we are here ....read over your blogs...you have done an absolutely brilliant job....slipped but got back up good on you xx
Hi Polhigg i had a slip up on the weekend too before that hadnt smoked for 41days! I have questioned going back but i really dont want to! my cravings are worse now thanks to my slip. Just gota keep being smokefree still hate the smell on others!!! I havnt put any weight on as i have been going to the gym so take up exercise then you wont have to worry :)